16 days today. I have lost my chipper attitude. I am irritable, annoyed, frustrated, and want to be left alone. I haven't seen the outdoors at all, not a breath of fresh air. The food sucks, not one healthy item. I can't even take a shower, do you know how much bed baths suck? Then I have to hope a volunteer will come by at some point in the week to wash my hair with horrible shampoo and no conditioner. Guess it's too much to ask to use my own products. My body aches from lack of movement. Every two to four hours, yes even through the night, I am either being bothered to take pills, blood pressure, temperature, monitoring, 'something is wrong' ultrasounds, or ask me for the millionth time of I have allergies. TV channels are minimal, and reading just doesn't work here. I miss my dog. I want my privacy!
Of course it's all for Zoe, but I feel like a prisoner. I may sound ungrateful, but I am not happy. I want to go home.
Fed Up... Pretty much sums it up. Save the pep talk, it only frustrates me even more. One of those situations where you don't understand unless you've been there.
Jen, just so you know you do have every right to be fed up and annoyed. You are going through so much and even though I know you will (and are doing) do whatever it takes for Zoe it doesn't mean you're not going to have rough days. I know there were days where I thought after all I went through just to get pregnant that I now had to spend my only pregnancy on hospital bed rest not getting to enjoy being pregnant or even going full-term while others came in, had their babies and left with no complications, so yeah I was angry. And I allowed myself to have those days because it didn't make me a bad person or unappreciative, it just let me vent my frustration. It's so hard and just like you said unless you went through it you really have no idea (some people actually had the nerve to tell me to enjoy my time off before the baby came!). I can tell you this, though it doesn't feel like it now, months from now the hospital stay of being in that bed, not being able to shower, bad hospital food, the constant monitoring with that band covered in gel around your stomach, even the magnesium, it's all going to be a blur. Like I mentioned earlier, I had my bad days but my mantra of "focusing on the end result" is what would help with getting through those days a little easier.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping you in my prayers everyday. Big hugs.
Terri (str8ota)
p.s. I know you're an hour away but maybe check with your doctor and see if a family member or friend could bring your dog up for a visit. I wasn't allowed to leave my room so we were able to arrange for my dog to come to the hospital to my room to visit for a couple of hours, it really helped.
I'm sorry. I've got no pep talk, just a "Hang on tight". I cannot imagine the agony of bed rest combined with the stress of everything you're going through. Bleck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
ReplyDelete