31 Weeks! Zoe's Shower And The Air Mattress

Woohoo!  We are 31 weeks today!  I cannot believe how far we have come.  Zoe is doing great and I am doing much better compared to last week.

Yesterday our family and friends threw us a beautiful shower in the rose garden.  We have been looking forward to this day for quite some time.  My sister really went above and beyond with all of her hard work and planning.  My mom, mother in-law, L, J, and S all had their hands in this too.  Words cannot express our gratitude.

Just the act of getting ready for the shower was great.  I could dress up and wear real shoes even! My dear friend, D, visited a few hours before the party for a special treat, a haircut and styling.  Even with strange and limited facilities her fantastic talent resulted in lovely hair.  Thank you for the pick me up! My mom (thank you for painting my toes) and grandmother visited with me as I while I dressed, quality we don't get often.

Dressed and ready to go, I was taken by wheelchair (did you get that? no gurney!) to be greeted by sunshine, tables with pink linens, tear drop vases with white hydrangeas, amazing food and sweets... and most importantly the 30 something most loving family and friends.  The overwhelming sense of love just about knocked me out of the chair.

Mmmmm mmmmm, the food!  Mini delicious sandwiches filled with roast beef and horseradish mayonnaise, turkey and cranberry relish, tuna salad, and an artichoke vegetarian treat.  A platter filled with assorted tasty cheese and crackers, a cheese lovers dream.  Field greens with T's special balsamic dressing that is out of this world.  Fruit salad accompanied with a sweet and creamy dip.  Beautiful hot pink cupcakes with sugar sprinkles handmade by J.  The favors, made by L & S, were so pretty (and of course mmmm mmmm sweet!) cake pops packaged by the pair with a an adorable label. Everyone really outdid themselves.

In honor of Dylan, B and I ordered handmade paper butterflies that are filled with wild flower seeds.  We put them in glassine envelopes with a sweet message to our guests.  Our hopes are that everyone plants these seeds in their gardens and remembers our sweet boy and his short time with us.

As a butterfly graces our lives with one moment's

fragile beauty, so too has Dylan's presence blessed us.

May we find peace and joy with each butterfly that passes

knowing that Dylan lives on in the hearts of all he touched.

B and I had such a great time seeing everyone, it has been a very long time for most.  There were many hugs and words of encouragement for all three of us.  Most of the time was filled with laughter and smiles, but there were a few moments of tears.  Zoe is already spoiled, all the gifts were beyond generous and caring.  We have such a strong support system.  Thank you everyone, you really lifted our spirits.

The time came for my carriage to turn into a pumpkin and I reluctantly said my goodbyes.  Wisked off to my home away from home leaving those I love and care for behind.  I had something to look forward to though.

The antepartum ward has settled down and many patients have moved on.  I mentioned to my nurse earlier the unappealing shared bathroom with the lack of cleanliness.  A gathering of minds at the nurses station and much to our surprise a huge room with it's own shower was offered to us.  After the party my B and my family helped move me to my new abode.  Even though the view isn't as nice as before this is such a nice change of pace, the room is very large, central air, huge bathroom, and an air mattress.  This air mattress has been the greatest thing ever, my hips feel so much better and I slept very well.  In fact I am enjoying it's comfort as I sit here and write to you.

Up Next

Tomorrow we have an OB ultrasound to measure Zoe's growth from two weeks ago.  I am both looking forward and dreading this.  Our hopes is that she is nearing 4 pounds.  Thursday (moved from last Thursday) is the big meeting day of everyone involved in Zoe's care.  Both B and I are anxious for the discussions to take place as well as planning Mission Zoe.  Who knows where this will take us with all the success we have had so far in maintaining this pregnancy.

Now to spend the rest of my short afternoon with B even though he has dozed off.  Hate it when he has to leave...

PS... A birdie told me that a reader of my blog recently had a stay here at St. Josephs.  I hope that your encounter was brief and uneventful.  I am curious how you found my blog, kind of neat in a small world sort of way.  Even though I do not know you, best wishes to you and your baby!

ETX baby lives through congenital heart disease, thanks to ETMC - KLTV 7 News Tyler, Longview, Jacksonville |

ETX baby lives through congenital heart disease, thanks to ETMC - KLTV 7 News Tyler, Longview, Jacksonville |

4 Weeks

4 weeks today, wow that is a long time to stay in bed let alone in a hospital. There are a lot of x's on my calendar which is leaving me speechless.

30 Weeks, Security Patrol, Anxiety Attacks

Zoe and I have made it to 30 weeks, no one believed we'd make it this far.  Every day is another blessing and miracle for Zoe.  Physically I am feeling great, no contractions or unwanted excitement.  Mentally, well that is a different story.  Yesterday I had one hell of an anxiety attack, never have I experienced something like that.  Several events towards the end of the day put me into one awful tailspin.

Sunday started out just fine.  Zoe cooperated with the morning NST, B and I had a decent breakfast, there was a rose garden visit coming up, and a little fairy here in the labor and delivery department delivered a mini fridge that wasn't being used. 

After breakfast, I showered while B went to Mother's Market and stocked me up with all kinds of goodness. No longer do I have to be tortured with unfit hospital food.  I am stocked with strawberries, blueberries, cheese, veggies, crackers, humus, cereal, milk, orange juice, bread, peanut butter, jelly, yogurt - happy happy!

After we ate lunch it was time for my Sunday 30 minute gurney ride to the garden.  The sun was out and we were enjoying our moments under the gazebo reading and talking until the security guard came strolling up.  He asked who were were, what we were doing, and why was I unsupervised.  We explained to him the situation and asked that he call our head nurse and that she would explain it was doctor's orders and all was just fine.  He looked at us with a frown and proceeded to ask my name and spelling as if he didn't believe us.  If Mr. Clever would have just looked at my wristband he surely would have realized that my husband was not stealing me nor was I from the psyche ward.  At that point I was very irritated that we were being bothered with such pettiness.  I sternly said that I ONLY get 30 minutes once a week to sit outside and I appreciate that he does not waste my time.  He walks away and we figure that was that.

Well, it wasn't just that, he came back shortly with his "back up" just in case we needed to be taken down.  Since I am learning what all the codes mean I wanted to yell Code Grey - uncooperative patient!  Apparently his issue was the gurney and that I wasn't in a wheelchair.  We proceeded to explain that I am obviously confined to bed rest and a wheelchair is not an option.  They were so dramatic and behaved as if B and I were breaking the law. We are such rebels! An pregnant lady on a gurney reading in the sun with her husband are so threatening - yea we were definitely up to no good causing such a ruckus in the park (eye roll again). They made a huge stink and the nurse had to come and get us.  It was beyond ridiculous, both B and I made our opinions on the matter very clear.  I commented that there was surely something much more worth their time then this, maybe check the parking structure for hoodlums.  

The nurse carts me away agreeing with this silly behavior.  Unfortunately the drama didn't end there.  The security found it necessary to venture to the second floor labor and delivery ward to confront and lecture the head nurse.  We became such a hot topic of the hospital.  After all was said and done, the head nurse and my doctor both assured us that this situation will not happen again and that I will get my blissful 30 minutes no matter what.

Anyways, thanks for ruining my 30 minutes of fresh air and sunshine asshat.  Hope you feel really good about your macho ways.

With the disappointing garden time behind us, B and I settled back in to the room.  In came another nurse, that cared for me maybe once, wanting to interview us about Dylan and what happened for a paper she was writing.  I didn't think much of it and started answering some questions.  Her questions were candid which caused B and I a huge discomfort with the situation.  I started crying and the whole can of pent up emotions sprung forth up.  She left and we talked about our regrets for entertaining her.  Our grief was now forefront and we tried to console each other.  B is so strong and tries to take care of me.  I couldn't shake the lonely empty feeling for the rest of B's visit.

Time came for B to head home for much needed rest before returning to a work week.  When he walked out the door the tears began to flow and sadness crept in to stay.  An hour passed and I became quite fidgety and unable to distract myself. The combination of B leaving, the gurney event, and questions about Dylan sent me tail spinning into an uncontrollable emotional wreck. Within moments my tears turned into a full blown anxiety attack.  I thought I was going to pass out as my heart beat out of control, my chest tightened to the point of not catching my breath, my feet and palms were sweating.  I honestly thought I was going to die.  An overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia took over and I needed to get out of here, I needed fresh air - but I couldn't go anywhere.  I would stand up, sit down, pace for a bit - on the verge of becoming hysterical.  These feelings were so strong and went on and on no matter what I did to talk my self down while taking deep breaths.  I needed B.

However, today is a new day, a brighter day and let's keep it that way.  Besides we are 30 weeks and that is something to really celebrate! Cake anyone?

Would You Eat This?

Didn't think so!

Who would serve this?  Do they not even look at what they are putting on a plate?  It is impossible to get a decent vegetable around here, or any food for that matter.

Three Weeks!

Wow... Three weeks I have been hanging out here!  Have I even been on a three week vacation (wondering as I stare at my tropical calendar taped on the laminated closet door)?  The calendar has three weeks of days x'ed off in bold purple.  I love seeing those x's as each day is an accomplishment, another day Zoe has to thrive.  At the same time I also think of all the things I am missing, breathing the fresh air, taking a walk, working on the nursery, cooking, playing with Luna... the daily life.  One day at a time... I have come this far and I can do this.

My daily routine is settling around here.  Wake up, nurse comes in, asks me ridiculous questions, take meds, temp, blood pressure, monitor, eat breakfast, stare out the window, read, internet, stare out the window, eat lunch, get doctor visit, take meds, stare out the window, wait for B to visit, nurse shift change, repeat same ridiculous questions, take meds, temp, blood pressure, check out Zoe's heart beat tone, eat dinner, watch sky darken, flip through the whole 20 channels with B, mope when B leaves, read book, take meds... fall asleep hopefully... wake up at 2am to take meds, drift off to one eye open sleep, wake up at 6 am to take meds... repeat.  (Thankfully my wonderful doctor has stopped my every four hour blood pressure and temping through out the night, that was just a huge annoyance.  By the time the nurse is done I would be pretty awake.)

Some days are accompanied by biophysical ultrasounds when Zoe misbehaves, just to add some excitement around here.  I have become pretty keen on the morning monitoring. If I am left on more then thirty minutes something is up and I become suspicious.  I have notice the decelerations and now give Zoe a nice little finger prod to snap her out of it.  Seems to work and saves me the stress of another biophysical ultrasound. So far she has scored 8 out of 8 on the three test we had.   However, we almost failed the breathing test on Monday.  Someone didn't want to play and would only take sporadic practice breaths during the 30 minute allowance.  The tech went two minutes over and Zoe did it, thank goodness!  Like I said, she is a stubborn little girl already.

I have finally managed to read since about mid last week.  In that time I have absorbed my self into two books.  The first book was an ease back into the reading world.  Hollywood Girls Club by Maggie Mar, a fun, easy, mindless read.  Thank you LC for lending it to me.  My second adventure was Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris.  I loved this book!  The humor and random storytelling is just my style.  I highly suggest it to all you readers out there.  Thank you TS for bringing that to me.  My next two books will be Bossypants by Tina Fey and Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.  Thank you MN for bringing those to me, I wish we could have visited.

Hmm, what else have I passed time with.  A bit of knitting, ok one baby bootie after three very frustrating attempts.  This poor little bootie is botched though.   I accidentally cut a thread and it is going to unravel.  I will try this again very soon when my patience up for it as it is lots of counting on very little needles.  There are plans of starting a baby blanket as well, this is easy mindless knitting for me.  I am obsessing over what yarn I want, but I do know I will be doing the Big Bad Baby Blanket from Stitch n Bitch.  It is so hard to not touch and explore the yarns in a pretty yarn shop.  FYI, if you want to learn how to knit this book is the best.  I am a proud self learned knitter.

Oh how could I forget?!?!  We got a MacBook Pro!  Here I am happily typing away and probably the reasoning for my ramblings.  Thanks CC for working out this deal, I am so pleased.  My iPad was fine here, but nothing like a fantastic laptop to make wasting internet time so much more pleasurable.  My iPhone is fantastic, but of course just too small at times.  The only frustrating thing is this hospital's wifi, it doesn't like my email boxes.  ho hum.

Now a Zoe progress update!  Monday was the start of 29 weeks and also my OB ultrasound for growth and all that fun stuff.  Zoe is 3 pounds and her size is measuring just a head of 29 weeks.  She has really long legs and hates to be bothered like this.  She has also settled into a Frank Breech, her butt is down and her legs are straight up to her head.  How can she possibly be comfortable?  Move it Zoe!

Next week we will be meeting with our "team" to design a course of action plan or Mission Zoe as I prefer to call it.  This team will include our doctor, fetal cardiologist, neonatologist, and surgeons... I am sure I am leaving someone out.  We will begin to devise the plan as well as give B and I clearer picture of whats to come.  I do know that Zoe's big debut will be a storm of epic proportions of which I doubt we are prepared for.  So the next few days will be comprised of composing a list of questions.  Where to even begin?

Zoe needs to reach 5 pounds at the minimum by birth in order to go to Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.  We want so desperately for Dr. Starnes to perform her three surgeries.  If Zoe decides to debut early (as expected) then she will be sent down to Rady Hospital of San Deigo.  Our fetal cardiologist is pushing for the Norwood Hybrid if she is a preemie and that is where we need to go. (I would post a link, but I have yet to find current info on this procedure.) I am sure these doctors are wonderful and fully capable, but we had comforted ourselves with the path of CHLA.  Hopefully she will grow a half pound each week and put us closer to CHLA.  

We are also setting up a blood drive for Zoe either at CHLA or Radys, which ever hospital we end up.  Friends and family can donate blood shortly after Zoe's birth for her surgery.  It doesn't matter the blood type as they tend to use platelets.  I will talk more about this in the future. 

More awesome news around here is that my cervix is measuring 2 to 2.5!  The cerclage is working!  I went from giving birth to Dylan to having a cervix again.  I am a medical miracle according to our doctor and he reminds me that each day is a blessing.  No one expected us to make this far, I love to prove them all wrong and so do they. All fingers are crossed that this trend continues to move forward.  4.5 weeks and I have meet my goal of 35 weeks.

My sister and dear friends are also planning our baby celebration... ok a baby shower.  It will be held here at St. Josephs in the rose garden May 29th.  It's not a typical baby shower, but more of a get together for all friends and family to celebrate what we have over come so far.  It will be nice for both B and I to see all everyone that can attend.  It really has been a long time.  We haven't seen the majority since everything started happening back in February.  I don't even know if everyone is aware of what all has happened.

At the same time this celebration is hard, I fear my tears that day.  We should be celebrating two babies, Dylan and Zoe.  Push forward with hope we must while honoring our loss.  I am trying to come up with some way to acknowledge Dylan without making others uncomfortable.  Maybe we should plan another butterfly release as we did at our wedding... I just have the need to do something.  I will have to think on this.

Monday Dylan was cremated.  I tried to put it out of my mind, but it was tough.  Both B and I hated knowing that he was there for so long... alone.  He will be coming home shortly.  So unbearably sad.  Do you know how hard it is to mourn one baby and have hope for another?  It can be very conflicting at times.  I will leave it at that.

So there are my ramblings for the day and I will end it on a positive note.  Three successful weeks in the hospital and 29 weeks and two days pregnant.  Not bad for how we ended up here.  

Thank you to LC for visiting me Tuesday morning, I really enjoyed your company as always.  Thank you YM for visiting and bringing me a delicious lunch today.  I really appreciate it, more then you will ever know.

Random thought, maybe I should take an online writing class to stop hurting your eyes with my awful grammar and such :)

18 Days - Gurney And The Rose Garden

Today is day 18 and a close to our 28th week of pregnancy.  We have been pretty uneventful  and contraction free for the most part, which is a very good thing.  Just a small scare on Thursday when Zoe had a few heart decelerations during my routine morning monitoring.  I was in a stressed out panic and had Brian leave work.  They sent us for an ultrasound, but she is doing wonderful. A perfect score of 8 out of 8.  We are quickly learning that Zoe likes to keep us on our toes.  You know how your parents say what hardships we put them through?  Well, this is a true ringer little missy!  I will really mean it when I say that!

This week started off rough as you figured from the prior post.  It progressed to a much more enjoyable time. Saturday I was allowed to take a real, but fast, shower - you have no idea how wonderful this was. I was able to wash my own hair with my own goodies!  It is nice to feel like a real human being again, oh the small things we take for granted in life.

Another highlight to the day was that my mom and sister drove down for a quick one night stay.  They arrived Saturday afternoon after a long drive from the valley.  We just relaxed, talked, and ate anything but hospital food.  Oh yes, and some real ice cream!  I know my mom feels much better seeing with her own eyes that I am doing ok.  Thanks for the stuffed dog to take place of Luna for the time being!

Today was another special treat from my fantastic doctor.  I was put on a gurney and taken downstairs to the rose garden.  It was a busy day on the labor and delivery floor and we were not sure it was going to happen because a nurse needed to join us.  You know, just in case.  On top of that the day started off with some rain and gloom.  I was sure that this treat was  ruined.  Surprisingly the sun came out and it was a beautiful Southern California day! The nurse brought around the gurney and took us down stairs.  They left us alone in the garden despite the "rules" and it was wonderful.  B and I sat (ok I laid) under the gazebo enjoying the sun while eating chocolate chips cookies (I wish they were yours, JJ)  and milk.  It was the most blissful 40 minutes of fresh air ever... I haven't had fresh air since April 28 (well except for that horrendous ambulance ride)!

Now it is 8pm on Sunday evening.  My dinner was horrible, but I should be used to that by now.  It is amazing that this place can't even make a decent burrito. Beans, cheese, salsa.... it's not that hard!  B left earlier this afternoon to catch up on home life (even prepping Zoe's room).  I read my way through the afternoon, but it all hit me hard early evening.  I have a hard time when B can't stay with me.  It is comforting knowing he is sleeping in the other bed.  The lonely evenings are the hardest, I often find myself in tears.  Thank you, babe, for being so wonderful. Even though I have my moments, I do appreciate you spending all of your free time and weekend nights with me.

Good night...

PS... Thank you JJ for baking cookies for all the nurses.  We all appreciate it so much!  Too bad they don't want to share! :)

16 Days and it feels like hell

16 days today. I have lost my chipper attitude. I am irritable, annoyed, frustrated, and want to be left alone. I haven't seen the outdoors at all, not a breath of fresh air. The food sucks, not one healthy item. I can't even take a shower, do you know how much bed baths suck? Then I have to hope a volunteer will come by at some point in the week to wash my hair with horrible shampoo and no conditioner. Guess it's too much to ask to use my own products. My body aches from lack of movement. Every two to four hours, yes even through the night, I am either being bothered to take pills, blood pressure, temperature, monitoring, 'something is wrong' ultrasounds, or ask me for the millionth time of I have allergies. TV channels are minimal, and reading just doesn't work here. I miss my dog. I want my privacy!

Of course it's all for Zoe, but I feel like a prisoner. I may sound ungrateful, but I am not happy. I want to go home.

Fed Up... Pretty much sums it up. Save the pep talk, it only frustrates me even more. One of those situations where you don't understand unless you've been there.

Dylan

So much has happened since my last post. Today is the 11th day of hospital stay, every day is a miracle. The events that have taken place since May 3rd, our anniversary, are overwhelming. Some things may be hard for you to read in this post.

May 3rd was our anniversary and as you know I was very excited for B to visit and celebrate. B brought me a beautiful card and we decided to order steak and lobster from McCormick and Schmicks. B left to pick up dinner and in that short time, things went really sour.

Just before I was transferred into my long term room I was sent for another ultrasound to check on Zoe's growth and make sure my body was holding on. I was a bit antsy waiting for the results and unfortunately I got them from a nurse while B was out getting our dinner. I had no cervix left. Not an ideal situation and I was terrified. All I could think was I was going into labor soon, too soon for Zoe. B comes back to the news and our special day came to a halt. B decided to take the next day off and stay the night with me. We comforted eachother and continued to have hope.

Later that night I started getting contractions again, they were getting stronger and closer. The nurse checked me and I was 1 centimeter. The pain increased and I was shaking uncontrollably. After review with the on call dr I was again administered terbutaline, pure hell. As the long night went on the pain eased and the contractions began to slow down. Everything seemed to be turning around.

The next evening everything started all over again. This time the pain was unbearable. Both B and I were terrified as events began to repeat and worsen. The nurse tried to help me as much as possible. Things began to blur for me, the pain was too much. B could tell this part much clearer then I. I remember telling them that I felt a bunch of pressure, I was shaking, and felt out of control. I was begging B to help me, he felt so helpless. The on call dr checked me a few time and said wasn't dilated. The gave me morphine and some other drug that didn't help whatsoever.

We were approaching the wee hours of May 5th. The dr decided that they would give me an epidural for the pain. As we waited for the anesthesiologist I kept saying things didn't feel right, this wasn't like before. Finally he came in the room, I was delirious. My memory is so fuzzy. They start to get me up and that was the moment...

Dylan was born peacefully sleeping at 2:11 am on May 5th. He was 12 ounces of perfection.

The pain was instantly over, as if it never was. The nurse asked if we would like to spend some time with our son. Of course we did, even though it was just unbearably sad. They brought Dylan to us, I held his tiny body on my chest for almost two hours. There was an overwhelming sense of peace as I was able to be a mother to my son. I drifted in and out of sleep holding him. He was perfectly beautiful. I am sure it is hard for you to imagine what it was like, but it was beautiful.

B struggled with wanting to hold him, he was afraid. After quite some time he decided to and is thankful he did. I loved watching my husband look loving at our son. These moments were so amazing to witness, yet so heartbreaking. I could only think how tragic it is that father and son will never share the joys most do. If only I could change everything for him.

After we reluctantly gave Dylan back, the nurse brought us his swaddle blanket, baby hat, and a piece of paper with his sweet little hands and foot prints. So tiny and amazing. B looked me with tears in his eyes and said that he would like to get a tattoo of Dylan's little feet. My heart and soul was so touched.

We cherish the time we spent with Dylan. Forever these moments will be carried in our hearts and in our love for one another. My love for B has grown beyond belief through all of this. Crisis can strengthen or ruin, for us we are closer then ever. He is my rock and continues to have strength and hope when I reach rock bottom. I know that Dylan would have been just as amazing as his father.

Amazingly I did not deliver Zoe through all of this. This is such a rarity in a twin pregnancy and we are a miracle. I was sent in for surgery around 9am that morning for a cerclage. So far we have stopped the contractions and Zoe is doing extremely well. She is our fighter, our miracle. I am on strict bed rest again, if that is what it takes then so be it. I will fight for our little girl. Tomorrow is 28 weeks and my goal is to make it another 5 weeks. Every day is a blessing.

I want to thank all of the amazing nurses that go above and beyond their duties to care for us. They have taken us in as family. Thank you so much for being the wonderful people you are, your job is not easy.

Thank you to our friends and family for all the love and prayers. Every phone call flower, note, and visit show us how loved we are. Thank you for the support and encouragement, it helps us hold on to hope.

Today I remember my moments with Dylan on Mother's Day. Blessed are you that get to enjoy this day with your children. Cherish it forever.

We love you Dylan. We wish you could be here with us. Not a day will pass without thought of you. You are so precious, too precious for this world.

Day 6!

So far Zoe and I are doing really well. We have had our share of setbacks and scares, but today bas proven to be the best so far. This is day number 6 of my hospital stay. It has been quite a ride with uphill battles and flowing moments. I am so thankful for the excellent care I am receiving. The nurses are so sweet and sympathetic to my situation. They go out of their way to make me comfortable and happy. My new doctor is compassionate and very proactive in my treatment. I love that they all talk about Zoe by her name.

When we first arrived at St. Joseph's, both B and I were pretty unhappy. I was wheeled into the room and immediately went into a bad place. Two beds... Two beds. I looked at B and said I cannot go through this having to share a room with anyone. Remember I am in labor and delivery and most are here to have their babies as expected. B immediately began to ask that our room remain private for both my mental state and to keep me calm for Zoe. Everyone understands and to this point it has been my room only.

B stays the night with me on the weekends and visits every weekday evening. He has been so amazing and strong though this. I know it is not easy for him to sit helplessly by, but he keeps my spirits up. I have had other visitors and lots of goodies brought to me, all of which is greatly appreciated. Pretty much I have set up camp here, knitting supplies, movies, magazines, books, crossword puzzles and all that fun stuff.

My first few nights were really rough, sleep was not easy. I am sure it was mostly due to fear, anxiety, and pain. Now that things seem to be under better control, sleep is getting easier, granted they do have me on a slew of drugs. Last night was my first real deep sleep, it was wonderful. In fact I have been in and out of sleep all day. The type of sleep where you pass out while changing the tv channel. Everything has caught up with me, so the quiet solitude has been welcomed today.

I have quite a regimine here. Several types of pills and IVs administered through out the day and night. My belly is strapped up to their computer every four hours (yes, even through the night) to monitor contractions and Zoe's heart rate. The steroids have done wonders for Zoe. Her monitoring have shown a strong little girl, our little fighter.

Our minimum goal is to make it five weeks, however I am going go do my best last as long as I can. Even if it means I live here until mid July, it is worth it. I feel more comfortable here knowing that help is immediately right here. Stick around sweet Zoe, we have some growing go do!

Today is our anniversary! Not the way we prefer to spend our special day, but B is bringing me a steak dinner from a fancy schmancy restaurant tonight. I look forward to this treat. Love you babe. Thank you for being so strong when I am so weak. I could not get through this without you. Thank you for holding my hand, wiping my tears, rubbing my back, and patiently helping me shower every evening... even shaving my legs. I love you. Zoe is so lucky to have you for her father.

Thank you to everyone reaching out to us. We feel so loved.

Now I am going to drift off into another nap...