Ah Home

Ahhhhhh home!  I love having big windows and sliders everywhere, the whole house is open to the outside world.  To hear the birds chirp is just amazing, something I haven't really heard in 8 weeks.  I even sat outside my second day back and soaked up the sun with a magazine.  Even better, I can drink out of real glasses and eat off real dinnerware - no more plastic that I despise.

Luna doesn't seem to think I have been gone that long.  Her welcome home was mild and we went right back into our typical patterns.  I thought for sure it would be one big show when I walked in the door, my feelings were a tad hurt.  Let's chalk it up to my theory that she has no concept of time. However, I know she is happy to have someone to lay around with all day long again.

Sleep was rough the first two nights.  I am still experiencing the effects of the hospital stay as I would wake up just after falling asleep in a complete panic.  Both nights I ended up on the couch watching tv all night so that B could get a good sleep for work.  Once daylight peaked I was able to drift off.  Last night was much better though, I managed to stayed in bed and had some wonderful broken up sleep.

Monitoring is a breeze, but much more time consuming then the hospital.  In the morning and evening I strap on the togo for one hour and watch Zoe try to knock it off.  Then I send the data in by this ancient looking contraption and wait for the nurse to call me with the results.  As of yet not one single contraction which is just as I expect.

Of course I cannot keep out of Zoe's room.  I have behaved myself by keeping my feet up all day long, except for brief moments.  I sneak in play with this and that and then leave it.  I just want to do so much in there.  We have decided on the wall color and the painting should be done this weekend.  So excited!  Once that is done, the dresser will be cleaned up and I am going to pull up a chair (with feet propped) and put the cloth diapers away.  My mom is coming to stay with us next Tuesday and is going to be hit with projects that I cannot do.

Can you believe that Zoe will be here in about 32 days or less?  Wow!  We are both excited and nervous at the same time.  We really are having a baby!  That is such a hard concept for us to grasp after all that we have been through.

The only thing that makes me sad these days is seeing those two mini urns that are now Dylan.  It is just so wrong that he is in them, and it is pretty hard to come to terms with that.  Seeing his death certificate is just painful.  I haven't yet fully grieved for him since things have just been so chaotic since he was born.  We plan on having an intimate memorial after Zoe comes home.  One of the urns will be released into the sea.  I am sure that will be the moment that everything will come full circle. I am just not ready right now.